It’s nearly 2010, and I’ve decided to be happy about it. Literally.
My New Year’s resolution is to be happy more. Smile when there’s nothing to smile about. Laugh when I want to cry. Be silent when I want to scream. In general, I want to hold back on every natural urge I have to be the out-spoken, glass-half-empty person I’ve grown to be.
You see, it seems nearly every time a New Year has gone by, I, like others who live past their youth, have found myself with more and more responsibilities. And since I’m the type who gets stressed beyond the point of helpful and despises imperfection, I’ve found myself grumpy at the ripe old age of 27.
(Pause for reaction.)
I know I know. I have nothing to be grumpy about. I have a healthy family, a farm, my own health, a job … and the list could go on and on. But I have, since becoming the mother of four and wife of one, turned into a mission-accomplished-oriented person. I don’t handle “winging it,” and I don’t like to mess up routines. In turn, I’ve lost that crazy spirit that used to live inside.
Growing up, I was the clown in our little group. Laughing was my favorite thing, and I did plenty of it. Thankfully, my childhood was filled with many more smiles than tears and much more laughter than yelling. So why have I allowed myself to become so embittered?
Am I that unthankful? Do I really have that much relying on my actions?
Well the answer to both questions is yes. Matt and I have four souls resting on our shoulders, relying on us to carry them into their adulthood unharmed and hopefully with enough spunk not to be menaces to society.
And I was raised with the schooling of: “You’re more than capable of doing that yourself, Ginia.”
Problem is, now I’ve taken that mentality to the extreme. See, there are many things I can do by myself in this life. Most of the physical demands on my life I can handle. But all the mental stress of being a partner in this farm and in this bigger-than-most-family is something I cannot do alone.
Sure, Matt and I have each other and a very supportive extended family. But what I’ve learned in the last couple years is that I am nothing without something else. Something supernatural. An all-powerful, life-giving, need-providing source. God.
I’ve come to recognize that if I don’t lean on Him, I will crumble. If I don’t give it to Him, I will screw it up.
I’m slowly learning to daily give my troubles to the Lord (and my praises, too). It’s hard to give up control, but the more slack He takes in my reins, the more stable I feel. The more relieved I feel.
I have a safety net. I’m free to fall head-first into this beautiful life I’ve been blessed with and know that no matter what happens I’m going to be OK. Phew!
So as I embark on this New Year, I plan to work on not throwing away this gift God’s given me. I’m going to enjoy it. Responsibilities and all.
I’m going to smile.
As seen in the Lawrence County Record
My name is Ginia Oehlschlager and I'm a small-town gal from Missouri. Join me as I document my crazy life on the farm with my husband and four kids. I'm always looking for frugal, simple ways to live the life God set before me. Where faith, family and fun come together on the farm.