I attended a personality conference a few weeks ago with Matt.
It was an all-day training on what motivates you and how to be aware of and modify negative traits associated with your personality type.
The way it works is the personalities are broken down into four colors. Red=power. Blue=intimacy. White=peace. Yellow=fun. Each person’s personality is displayed in a pie chart showing his or her primary color, along with secondary and so on.
Of course, Matt was white.
And, of course, I was red.
To me, red was the worst one to be. While all the colors listed good and bad attributes, it seemed to me that all the red attributes were a little bad. A little annoying. A little hard to get along with.
But I already knew that about myself.
My mom has told me since I was little that I am not the easiest person in the world to get along with. (By the way, she wasn’t telling me that to be mean. She literally wanted me to be aware.)
Well, I am. I know I can be bossy and blunt. I know I like to get from point A to point B without much care of what or who gets in my way. Productivity is a major component of what makes me feel good. And I also know I am always (Ok, usually) right.
But to see it all in black and white along with selfish, insensitive, arrogant, impatient, aggressive, argumentative, obsessive and demanding?
That was a little much.
And then to PAY to attend a conference where I assumed Matt would be praised for his motive of peace and then I would be lectured for eight hours on how to stop being so “red?”
To be honest, I didn’t want to go. At all. I would have rather pulled out my pinky toenails!
But we went. And I was pleasantly surprised.
We learned that no color is better than any other. It takes everybody to make the world go round. And the well-rounded human beings are aware of their negative tendencies and adapt.
Our instructor kept saying “What we are aware of we can take care of.”
Yes, I do have A LOT of negative aspects, but also highlighted were some good: decisive, assertive, action-oriented, motivated, determined, responsible, focused, confident, leader, proactive.
“Movers and shakers of the world.” I proudly accepted this lavish statement and wrote it in large letters across my notes.
But, by far the most beneficial part of the entire seminar was the segment on the whites (Matt).
Side note: You might find it interesting that Matt has a significant percentage of white while I have literally zero. He has but a sliver of red.
What we learned about each other’s personality will be invaluable to our marriage. For instance, I had absolutely no idea that when we argue and I get all revved up and slam him with all the reasons he’s wrong and I’m right (in I’m sure only a slightly elevated voice), he typically, as a white, will draw back. I always thought he was avoiding the issues!
But now I know he needs time to process. How I process is by letting it all out. He is silently stubborn while I am aggressive and argumentative.
Wow. Game changer. It’s not just him. It’s not just me.
Immediately, I began to recognize Matt’s positive attributes and he mine.
We left with a deeper appreciation of each other that we didn’t come with.
What we learned was well worth the small price of admission.
My entire life I have beaten myself up about all the red in my personality. After the seminar, I realized I am not all bad and I can weed out the negatives by planting some of the good aspects of the other colors.
Balance is key. Like everything else in life.
My name is Ginia Oehlschlager and I'm a small-town gal from Missouri. Join me as I document my crazy life on the farm with my husband and four kids. I'm always looking for frugal, simple ways to live the life God set before me. Where faith, family and fun come together on the farm.