This is the fifth day of school for ALL four of the kiddos. And I’m still not used to the silence.
The summer was full of kids, gardening, summer school, park program, bug bites, dirt, mud, sweat, canning and lots of noise. It was also the first time I was home FULL TIME with all the kids every single day and I have to tell you it was a big adjustment. I don’t know how gracefully I adjusted but I did practice the mantra “progress not perfection” every day on every aspect of home life. Some days I thrived on it and other days, well, I just survived it.
Then when the school supply lists surfaced at the area stores, I felt like it was all slipping away. I don’t know about you, but every night I go to bed and think back on the day and feel and ache deep down in my gut about all the missed opportunities. All the moments I didn’t throw the football with Masen and all the moments I shushed Kadence rather than hearing about the story she was reading.
See, I am not a natural mom. I am an excellent organizer and drill sergeant (HA!), but I don’t stop and really feel the moments with my kids. That was easy to excuse when I had a job that took me outside the home and still working at home on the computer most days. But gone is that excuse.
The kids can rely on my, sure. They know I will always help with their homework and change their sheets and their clothes will be cleaned, etc., and I know that’s important. But I want to be a better MOM. I want to feel less detached. Because, honestly, I think that’s what I did to cope with leaving them when I worked all those years.
And now my kids are older. I blinked and they are 9, 7, 6 and 5.
I struggle with wondering if it’s too late.
But it can’t be.
My goal these past summer months was to repair and lessen some of the distance between us. Attach.
When this school year neared, it made me realize how far we’ve come but yet how far we have to go.
I know that nobody really knows what they are doing when it comes to being a parent. And despite the learning curve, every kid grows. Fast. And it honestly took me too many years to even acknowledge the lesson I needed to learn but I’m here now. And I see now.
I’m not seeking perfection, only progress. And that is possible. It’s not too late.
It can’t be.
Categories: Life on the farm
My name is Ginia Oehlschlager and I'm a small-town gal from Missouri. Join me as I document my crazy life on the farm with my husband and four kids. I'm always looking for frugal, simple ways to live the life God set before me. Where faith, family and fun come together on the farm.