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Have you ever asked?

Last night I asked Matt something new.

Not much surprises him when it comes to topics I like to discuss (yes, I’m weird and a little off-the-wall), but I think last night caught him off guard.

“What do you expect from me?”

He quickly whirled around (he really did whirl because was sitting on a swivel chair, ha!) and shot back, “What do you mean?”

I explained to him that since I started this whole “stay-at-home-mom gig” I’ve been having a hard time staying focused, especially since school started. There are so many hours in the day and so many things that could fill up those hours that I’m numb and paralyzed with the magnitude of options.

And since he works (very hard) every single day inside and outside the farm so I CAN stay home, I felt he needed to tell me what HE expected from me. What he thought I should be getting done and working on.

Here’s some background: I am NOT a feminist and Matt is NOT a male chauvinist. But I do think women have a God-given place IN the home and that family life was/is/would be a lot simpler if the gender roles are/were more clearly defined and adhered to. There, I said it.

So I forced my loving husband (who would NEVER in a million years tell me how to run my life) how he thinks I should run my life.

Here’s what he told me (not in order of importance):

  • House clean (sink empty, laundry done)
  • Always have sweet tea made
  • Coffee every morning
  • Cook five nights out of the week
  • Cook him breakfast and pack a lunch for him on work days
  • Handle all stuff related to kids (TOO much to list)
  • Take care of all the outside animals, including picking and cleaning eggs
  • Run the errands
  • Be ready to go in plenty of time before we have to leave for an engagement (HA!)

When I finally wrung him out of expectations, my load felt lighter.

Let me explain.

Now I know, in black and white, what he needs from me. What my place is. Where I fit in. What I can provide that will actually be a help to him! Now that’s not saying I don’t already do what he listed OR that he will not love me if I fail to cook him his oatmeal and toast one day for breakfast. But it does establish boundaries or goals for me, which I have desperately needed in this new phase.

It may seem outdated to rely so much on what my husband wants from me. But I truly believe that if more women were trying to live in a supporting role rather a competing one family puzzles would fit together more easily. (I’m not necessarily talking about women working outside of the home, but more of a generalized marriage mind-set.)

And because Matt is such a servant at heart, he quickly asked what I expected from him.

His inquiry was not anything I needed him to ask, but it further solidified my position. When the husband feels supported, he is more capable (and in some cases more willing) to support the wife.

Maybe this is something all married couples should do.

Have you ever asked?

Categories: Life on the farm


My name is Ginia Oehlschlager and I'm a small-town gal from Missouri. Join me as I document my crazy life on the farm with my husband and four kids. I'm always looking for frugal, simple ways to live the life God set before me. Where faith, family and fun come together on the farm.

2 replies

  1. Sweet! What a great biblical example you are as a couple. I read a book awhile back called “Helpmeet” and it really clarified some areas for me where my spouse could take the lead and I could be the supporter, the cheerleader and the number one fan. Do I do this every chance I get? No, but that’s what I’m working on. Thank you for sharing!

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