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Weight loss. My struggle.

I am the typical, American yo-yo dieter. Wish I wasn’t. But I am. And it’s a bummer.

There’s been the counting calories, which was successful. There’s been my first Whole30, which was life-changing.

And then … there were all those lazy or super busy days and  I coped with doing whatever I needed to to get by. I got by. But soon found myself almost back to my largest size.

On April 3 of this year (it was a Sunday night that’s burned into my brain), I was trying on a dress to wear to my cousin’s wedding. It was the biggest size I’ve ever purchased (14) and it was tight. Like, can’t-hide-it-under-a-sweater tight. It was like 9:30 p.m. and I was done.

The next morning I started Whole30 again. And when the 30 days were up I just kept right on going until I got to day 105. If you don’t know what Whole30 is, check out my first round of articles. In a nutshell, it’s a strict, no-cheating reset. During the 30 days you eat no gluten or grains, soy, processed foods, sugar or sugar substitutes, dairy or legumes.

I lost 19 pounds and countless inches. My face finally cleared up. And I pretty much felt like a million bucks most of the time. One of the best things about these last three rounds of Whole30 was that I proved to myself that busy-ness can be conquered as an excuse to healthy eating. We had weekend baseball and softball tournaments and games nearly every weeknight. I travelled to my cousin’s wedding in mid-April and navigated fast food restaurants. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. Without cheating.

On July 19 or 20, I started eating the more typical American diet and it’s basically been downhill ever since. But this time, while I’m sure I’ve gained inches back due to inflammation, the weight is staying off. Why you may ask? Because the food I’m eating literally makes me sick. That’s the ONLY reason I haven’t gained all 19 pounds back.

(I’ve not been to a doctor but I’m thinking that since my body finally was healed from all the crap I’ve put it through, I’m more sensitive than ever to gluten or dairy or sugar or fill-in-the-blank. Several family members have diagnosed food allergies, so it’s not a crazy assumption.)

These past few weeks I’ve been getting canker sores. Lots of them. Right now I have five. Gross, I know, but I can only attribute them to my terrible diet.

Honestly, I feel like the biggest failure.

Why can’t I do the whole moderation thing?  Why am I sitting here typing with a heating pad on my stomach rather than making a game-plan for change?

I don’t know the answers to all of the above. But I do know that moderation is just NOT my thing. Yo-yo-ing is. Surely I’m not alone.

Recently, I started reading a book called Food Freedom by the creator of Whole30. It’s supposed to address my questions about moderation and why it’s so hard. I’m only partway through the book, but so far she’s got some good thoughts.

What’s resonating with me most is that my mindset is wrong. I will never be done with this cycle. I will always be either eating healthy, failing to eat healthy and then trying to get back to being healthy or resetting. I am NOT a failure. This is just how it is. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Mind blown.

Unfortunately, I’m my biggest hater when things don’t go JUST right. Between me, myself and I there is ZERO grace. I’m either eating healthy and so I’m “good” or I’m eating McDonald’s and I should be ashamed. That guilt and that pressure is causing stress and more harm to me than the cheeseburger ever will.

Just because I can logically type this all out doesn’t mean I am good at living it out. Obviously. These are new thoughts and ideas I’m learning and it will take time to reprogram the dialogue that goes on inside my head.

There’s no easy fix or cure-all to this thing called life. And eating is a big part of life. I know there’s no hope for me and moderation. In my gut (HA!) I’m pretty sure I need to permanently eliminate some food group that is causing me so much grief.

In the meantime, I thought I would unload in this space. I’m toying with doing another Whole30. Is anybody out there willing to go along with me? Might be fun to do it as a group. The “diet” seems crazy hard but after the first week it gets easier. And the changes that will occur in your mind and body are incredible.

Message me if you want to join me!

Categories: Weight loss on the farm

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My name is Ginia Oehlschlager and I'm a small-town gal from Missouri. Join me as I document my crazy life on the farm with my husband and four kids. I'm always looking for frugal, simple ways to live the life God set before me. Where faith, family and fun come together on the farm.

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